Why Self-Awareness Isn’t Always Enough to Create Change

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Self-awareness can help you recognize a pattern, but creating change also involves deciding what you want, exploring what makes it difficult to move toward it, and practicing a different response. In this episode of Her Unlocked, I share the three requisites of change that guide my coaching approach: focus on what you do want, address the beliefs and patterns that may be blocking you, and take aligned action.

You might be able to explain exactly why you hesitate, overthink, or look to someone else for permission. You may have talked about the same pattern so many times that you know the explanation by heart. Yet when the next opportunity comes, you still find yourself responding in a familiar way. That can feel incredibly frustrating. Understanding what’s happening gives you something to work with, and the next question is how to carry that awareness into the way you live, lead, and make decisions.

That’s the work I want to explore with you through this podcast. Across different areas of your life and business, we’ll keep returning to what you want, what may be getting in the way, and what you can do next.

Begin by accepting what’s in front of you

Before we get into the framework, I want to begin with the invitation that came forward when I pulled my Illuminate card: acceptance. For me, that means being present enough with what’s in front of me to acknowledge it and move forward from there. I have a tendency to think ten steps ahead. Sometimes that’s because being where my feet are feels hard, and looking ahead gives me somewhere else to put my attention.

Maybe you recognize that, too. You might be focused on the next version of your business, the next season with your kids, or the point when life will finally feel easier. In the meantime, there is something happening right here that deserves your attention. Accepting it gives you a place to begin. You can recognize the circumstances you have while still wanting something to shift.

In the episode, I guide you through a brief grounding practice and invite you to ask what you’re meant to accept or feel into right now. If you’d like to pause with that question, choose a moment when you’re not driving and can give it your attention. Take a few comfortable breaths, notice what’s present, and allow yourself to be curious without forcing an answer.

Requisite one: Get specific about what you do want

It’s often easier to explain what we don’t want than to name what we want instead. We don’t want to feel stretched thin. We don’t want to keep questioning ourselves. We don’t want our business to stay where it is. Those statements can tell us something useful about our frustration, but they don’t always give us a clear direction.

The question I invite you to ask is: What do I want instead? If you’re unhappy with your finances, what would you like to see change? If you’re tired of how you’re working, what would a more supportive way of running your business look like? If you want something different in your marriage or motherhood, what are you hoping to experience more of?

Give yourself room to answer in concrete terms. Wanting more space might mean protecting one afternoon each week. Wanting to trust yourself more might mean making a particular decision without asking five people to approve it. These are examples of how you can begin translating a broad desire into something you can recognize and act on.

Choose one area for now. You can return to the others later. What do you actually want in that part of your life?

Requisite two: Explore the beliefs and patterns getting in the way

Once you’re clearer on what you want, notice what comes up when you imagine moving toward it. You might hear a familiar thought about what you’re capable of, what other people will think, or what will happen if you succeed. You might feel yourself pulling back before you’ve even taken a step.

This is where self-awareness becomes useful. Recognizing that you seek approval, for example, can help you begin exploring why someone else’s agreement carries so much weight. Knowing you avoid a certain action can open a conversation about what you associate with it. The invitation is to stay curious about the belief or pattern underneath the behavior.

In my coaching approach, I use subconscious reprogramming and somatic work to explore those patterns. The modalities I discuss in the episode include neuro-linguistic programming, EFT, hypnosis, and time techniques, alongside attention to what’s happening in the body. I’m sharing how these tools fit into the work I do and why I bring that perspective into our conversations here.

If you’ve been talking about the same pattern for a long time, consider what kind of support would help you work with it more deeply. You don’t have to turn that recognition into another reason to criticize yourself. It can become a more useful question: What happens inside me when I try to move toward what I want, and how can I support myself through that?

Requisite three: Take aligned action

Exploring your beliefs is one part of the process. You also need opportunities to practice making different choices. That’s why the third requisite is aligned action: a step that moves you toward what you want and fits the direction you’re choosing.

As women in business, we hear a lot of “shoulds.” You should use this strategy. You should grow this way. You should follow this framework because it worked for someone else. Advice can offer valuable information, but it’s also worth noticing whether you’re choosing an approach deliberately or following it because you’re afraid to trust your own perspective.

If a strategy feels difficult, get curious before reaching a conclusion. There may be a belief or familiar pattern affecting how you approach it. There may also be parts of the strategy that don’t suit your goals, preferences, or circumstances. Exploring those questions can help you choose a more thoughtful next step.

You can treat that step as an experiment. Try it, pay attention to what happens, and use what you learn to decide what comes next. If something doesn’t feel right, you have information to work with. You can adjust your approach without making the experience a verdict on your ability.

Work with the circumstances you actually have

There are things outside our control. You may have children to care for, responsibilities that take time, or circumstances you didn’t choose. Acknowledging those realities matters when you’re deciding how to move forward.

The question I return to is: Given what I cannot control, what can I do next? It brings your attention back to the choices available to you now. The answer might be smaller than the action you originally imagined. It might involve asking for support, changing the scope of a plan, or using the time you do have for one specific task.

This is part of what accepting the present can make possible. You can take your current capacity seriously and still look for an opening. You don’t have to wait until every circumstance changes before exploring a next step.

I also invite you to consider what you would do differently if you believed what you wanted was possible. In the episode, I ask how you might act if you believed it was on its way. Use that as a reflection prompt: What choice becomes easier to consider when you give your desire a little more room?

Three questions to help you move from awareness into action

Choose one area in your life or business where you want change, then work through these questions:

1. What do I actually want? Describe the direction you want to move toward as specifically as you can.
2. What belief or pattern might be standing in the way? Notice the thoughts, reactions, or familiar behaviors that come forward.
3. What’s one aligned step I could take in the next 24 hours? Choose an action small enough to try and meaningful enough to learn from.

After you take that step, reflect on what happened. What felt useful? What brought up resistance? What would you adjust? In the episode, I share the NLP perspective of treating an experience as feedback. You can use that lens to stay curious and keep learning from the actions you take.

We’ll return to these three requisites throughout Her Unlocked, exploring how they show up across different areas of life and business. My intention is to help you bring what you’re learning into your everyday choices.

If you’d like to explore working with me, visit Unlock Her Co.. If you’re interested in bringing this approach into your work with others, explore the Unlock Institute of Embodied Coaching, which offers training integrating conscious coaching, subconscious reprogramming, and embodied transformation.

For today, begin with one area and one step. Let what you learn help you choose the next one.

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